sad day...

so a friend of mine died yesterday after a not so long battle with bone cancer.

Mr. BadMood

tough decisions...

so you know when you're young, and invincible, and willing to try anything whether you fail or not? well i'm not young anymore, and it bothers me. why the hell can't i just make a decision, try a risky thing, do something in addition to, or in replacement of the thing i do. disclaimer... i love my job, and most of the people i work with.

that said... i am at the will and mercy of my state, my county, my employer. 40 hours a week, i get paid. 60 hours a week i get paid the same. i can't control the scale. thought here is safety in that, to some degree, but there is something to be said for putting in more of my blood sweat and tears to make an honest buck. when do i take control? 17 years ago when my career was just getting off the ground, or 20 years after the fact? locked in a career that is good and noble, and worthwhile, but with no financial recognition for time spent.

i chose my career, i have no issues with that. as i said, i do love it. when though will i grow a pair and make something happen for me? when will i get to say that this is mine? i built it, i maintained it, i earned it?

Grrr.

MBM